Mental Health Support for Single Mother’s By Choice (SMBC): Fertility-Postpartum

The choice to become a single mother is not done lightly and should be applauded for the beauty that it is. There is no right way to have a family. Unfortunately there is a lot of shame and stigma around single mothers. It seems as if the world blames mothers for everything, and single mothers take a harsh hit. You might even be noticing criticism and judgement from family members and friends when you tell them about your choice. Even within the single mom by choice community there is judgement; known donor or frozen sperm. Everyone has an opinion and it can make you feel unsure of yourself. 

Then when you go to find your donor there is judgement. The doctor might make you jump through hoops and make you see a therapist before you are allowed to pursue fertility treatments as a single person. In time that where you are feeling a mix of joy, hope, and worry it can be hard to feel like you have to defend your choices because others don’t understand. 

Next is the cost of fertility treatments and the emotional toll it takes during the whole process. Failed IUI’s and IVF can leave you feeling defeated. Unlike mothers who have partners you are often doing this alone. Just trying to figure out the medications and injections takes an emotional toll. You are strong but  sometimes you don’t want to be strong. Sometimes you want to sit and cry and be held. We all want that at different points in our life. 

And as you become pregnant, give birth and raise your baby(ies) there are many challenges along the way as well as joyful moments. But it’s in the challenging moments that we question ourselves and worry whether or not we are failing. No mother wants to feel like she is failing her child and you might be putting special pressure on yourself as a single mother. Theres just so much harsh judgement. 

But you don’t have to be alone with your fears and your thoughts. Others in your life may not give you the space to talk about your worries or you fear they will judge you and think your choice to become a single mother was bad. You might secretly have this worry too but feel like you cannot share it with others because they will not support you in the way you need. All of this can be painfully lonely. 

In our work together you will be able to be free and open to talk about all these fears you have with no judgement (by me). You will be able to unpack and process some of your own unhealed trauma from your own childhood or even past relationships that is driving your fears and your shame.  Many women are surprised that “after all these years” a harsh word form their mother or a thought about an ex can send them spiraling into darkness and tears. Even the desire to want to have a partner may feel taboo even in the SMBC community so you feel like you cannot go there for support. No matter what is harming you in the moment our therapy space is space that is just for you (and for your baby). Together we will  help you feel more confident in your abilities to attune to, love, and nurture yourself and your baby(ies).