Moving Through Life with Hidden Fear

hidden fear

You’re a successful woman working 40+ hours a week in a job that you actually like. You have a handful of friends that you like to spend time with when you are not working. When your with your friends you laugh about life, helping them with their relationship difficulties, while struggling with your own love life. But really it’s okay because your happily single, career focused woman. Or at least that’s the mask you wear to the world. The mask is covering up your hidden fear.

What your friends don’t know is that you crave a deeper connection with a significant other. On most days you truly are happy being single, while on other days you really struggle with your fears about relationships. As a child you witnessed the different men your mother paraded in and out of your home. Some of these men ignored you, others quickly flew into a rage which landed on your mother and sometimes you, and sometimes these men paid just a little too much attention to you, violating you sexually. Although all of this is in the past you are starting to wonder if these past interactions are affecting you now.  The feelings of discomfort and anxiety that you feel, most of the time, in the presence of men, is it really hidden fear of their intentions. Your belief that they will harm you, physical, emotionally, or maybe even both.  You’re starting to question whether yourself and your life. Will this fear cripple me and leave me alone? What you don’t know is how overcome these fears so that you can experience the type of intimate romantic relationship that you secretly desire.

Overcoming your wounds from childhood can be difficult. The hurtful messages you received from your loved ones throughout your early childhood, connected with awful experiences, can leave you constantly questioning your value and your worth. Your whole life has been about being number one, during school and now at work. You feel like you must fight against that hidden scared part of yourself that truly believes you are unworthy and not good enough. Awards, money, and status are all proof to others that you are strong and deserving. But these things leave you empty and alone, because they do not address your secret hidden pain.

You need to do more than acquire material goods or superficial symbols of status to truly feel deep down that you are worthy and good enough. You need to feel connected to yourself and to others. Feeling connected to the sensations in your body, your emotions, the thoughts and beliefs you have are important to your healing and ultimately to loving yourself.

Much of what drives your behaviors is fear.  You fear showing all parts of yourself and being vulnerable, because in the past when you were vulnerable you were hurt. Your avoidance of anything that is uncomfortable and fearful keeps you stuck in the same cycle. When you say to yourself, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me”, this is the part that is disconnected and afraid of being hurt, so it remains hidden. So change this.

In order to change this cycle and to go after what you truly want you have to believe you are worthy and good enough the way you are. You need to slowly begin to challenge yourself to do things that scare you. You look fear in the eye and stare it down embracing your imperfections and acting any way.

 

Are you stuck in life and feeling like you have no other options? Do you feel like you’ve tried everything all ready but you’re still feeling unhappy, unsatisfied, and angry? Let’s explore what’s keeping you stuck in life and create a plan to help you move forward. Schedule your intake session today.

These are just a few strategies and recommendations! I hope you found this post helpful! I’d love to hear from you in the comment section!

 Thank you for taking the time to read. Remember sharing is caring, so share if you found this helpful!

Until we connect again,

Jessica

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Jessica Lang

Jessica Lang

Hi I'm Jessica and I am a licensed therapist specializing in treating sexual abuse and other traumas. Whether you are pregnant survivor, a parent of a survivor or an adult survivor of sexual abuse or complex trauma I am here to support you on your healing so you can love yourself, find your empowered voice, and have the relationships you desire.

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