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Self Preservation & Feeling Safe

Why do we wall ourselves off from others? Why do we show some people limited parts of ourselves? Who, if anyone, is privileged enough to see all of your sides? Why is it hard to be vulnerable with others? Why is it hard to trust?

As human beings we tend to be very complex animals. We are one of the only species to have higher level thinking, which means we are able to reason, problem solve, relate to others using a wide range emotional vocabulary, link present to past and plan for the future, and most importantly we have abstract thought. But we are also still animals. As animals we have a basic need to keep ourselves safe. This word safe goes beyond physical safety for us humans, which is quite different from animals. As humans safety includes the physical (Concrete thought), will someone attack me, to will someone betray me or will someone hurt my feels (Abstract thought).

Here in lies some of the problem behaviors we exhibit, all in an effort to assess and maintain our sense of safety. We set goals for ourselves, some of them are easy to attain such as eating more veggies, while others are harder such as quitting your job and opening your own business. Interestingly enough the ability to take action in both comes from the same place. It comes from a desire to want and do more. And yet there is more anxiety and worry with the second, thus threatening your sense of safety. In order to start your new business you must foresake the comfort of getting a consistent paycheck for potentially spending more money in creating your business than you take home. In staying in your old job you foresake your happiness and you feel stiffled. In having your own business you get more power and increased creative experiences, and the hope that you will be happy and fulfilled.

So what is a person to do? Well the first step is breaking this conflict down to the core and then moving into the cost benefit analysis part of problem solving. The ultimate goal is for you to take the action, in either direction, feeling confident. For you to find what works for you and your needs.

Jessica Lang

Jessica Lang

Hi I'm Jessica and I am passionate about empowering survivors to find peace, happiness, and success in life. I specialize in treating trauma using the mind body connection and helping expats who are having a hard time adjusting to life in their new countries.