5 Steps To Figure Out What You Want In Life and How You Can Quiet Your Fears To Get It!

create goalsIt’s nice when you know exactly what you want out of life and have a master plan on how to achieve it. For many of us we have known since we were young, what our passions were and how we could achieve them. So we create a road map, go to college, work hard, and find your dream job after college. Done! But for others they may not know what they want. For many more of us we head down one path thinking it’s what we want, only to be surprised when we feel miserable (and depressed) and discover that we really don’t want it after all. 

Sound familiar?

Storytime: Sharing My Personal Story of Going After My Dreams

I’m going to share a personal story with you. Back in 2015 I made the decision that I wanted to move to Israel after a trip with my synagogue. I fell in love with the country and the culture and thought this s for me. So I packed up my stuff and my dog and made my way to Israel. I had a plan. I would work at a preschool to learn Hebrew during the day and at night work in my business seeing clients in California. With the time difference it seemed like the perfect set up. I had experience working multiple jobs in my late 20’s as I went to grad school full time, so I believed I could do this. I figured a year or so of this and I was good. 

Fast forward almost 2 years and I’m out of the school and into my business but something is missing. There is a piece of me that is unhappy. I want to grow and expand my business. Someday I would like to own a home and be closer to family and friends, or at least have the ability to see them more often. I would like to be surrounded by other female entrepreneurs like myself. I miss the freedom and mobility of having a car. The ability to hop in my car at a whim and go camping or hiking. With no car, I rely on public transportation, which is nice when it’s not holiday time and a nightmare when it is. Finally I miss my Jewish community back in the states. Judaism is more than a religion, it’s about community. I miss shabbat and holiday dinners with my people. I miss going to synagogue with other young conservative jews every Saturday and playing board games after services or having kiddish. These are things I couldn’t foresee when I decided to make the move and now that I’m in it, I feel conflicted. After all it’s what I wanted.

Does this sound familiar? Did you go after something,  get it, and find that there is still something missing? A factor you did not account for in your plans! 

Despite these huge hurdles, there are days and times I feel comfortable living here. Where I feel at home. I have wonderful friends, finally a decent apartment, my business, and tasty foods. I do truly feel at home and feel like hopeful that I can achieve all of my dreams here, the dreams of having my own family, speaking Hebrew (and also French because French is amazing) and owning a beautiful home (yeah I know it’s highly unlikely in this county but I’m determined). 

 

Addressing Your Conflicts, 5 Tips To Figure Out What You Want and How to Get It

So the result of all these conflicts is sleepless nights, a lot of back and forth messages to friends trying to figure out what to do, and a lot of anxiety. Yeah it’s not fun! 

But the truth is that this is my life just like this is your life. Only you and I can decided what is best for us, even if it feels hard or we are letting people down. So as I feel a growing sense of ease as I make a plan that works for me, I decided to share the tips that have helped me not only make a plan but ease some of the unease I’ve experienced in the process. 

Tip #1: Take some quiet time and reflect. Now I’m usually a proponent of turning up the music and letting the feeling flow. Usually this is great advice but you know there is something about silence that takes you to another level. So clear your schedule for an hour, put away distractions and just be in silence. Now you don’t need to use the whole hour, and you can start out small with 10 minutes, but just be in it. Notice what comes up. What are your thoughts? How are you feeling? Focus on your dreams.

Tip #2: Journal/Write! Put everything that is on your mind on paper. Release yourself from holding it all in. Don’t censor yourself. The tension in your chest and arms will ease as you let it all out. There is something powerful about seeing your fears on paper. Seeing your dreams on paper. When you see them written down, you will see that not only are the fears keeping you stuck and constrained but the dreams you have, are actually not that unbelievable. 

Tip #3: Create a vision board. I love vision boards and I think they are really fun to create. You take all your wants and dreams and put them on a big sheet of paper. It’s more fun if you create pictures (drawing), you print them, or cut them out from magazines and place them all over. If you want to own a home, then go find a picture of your dream home and put it on your paper. So you want to travel, then draw a picture of a passport on your paper. The sky’s the limit so put it all down. 

Tip #4: Create deadlines. Decide when you want to achieve these things by, the month and year. As you do this notice the thoughts that come up. Are you feeling like it will never happen, and you feel your heart sink and sadness creep in? Do you feel anxious and overwhelmed, questioning how you can achieve this? On a separate sheet of paper or record a voice message and let those thoughts out. Again your just releasing that negative energy from keeping hold of your body.

Tip #5: Time to create goals and action steps. Take each of the items of your vision board and create a goal around achieving it. For each goal create actionable steps to go about achieving your goal. 

Example of a goal: You want to own a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom home that’s two stories in 10 years. Action steps: 1. Research housing prices in your desired area that fit your criteria. 2. Look into what it takes to get a mortgage, how much you need for a down payment etc 3. Take a look at your finances and decide how much you need to save each month to hit your goal 4. Research the best savings account and be dedicated to putting that much away every month. 

By creating actionable steps you will feel more confident that you will be able to hit your target. Also because you are actively saving your money you will feel good because you are acting to achieve your goal and it’s something tangible, something you can see. You will feel good when doing this. 

Conclusion

So try these 5 tips for your own goals. Notice how much lighter you feel during the process and how helpful you will feel about your future. The biggest key is to let it all out of your head and heart. The next thing to remember is that times will be hard and you will want to give up but by having your vision board you will have a nice reminder that you are working towards something.  Your brain may trick you into believing that you cannot do something but the truth is that you can hit your goals and live your dream life, if it’s something you truly want. So get started today, what do you have to loose?

As a therapist and coach I often hear from people that they feel stuck in life or that they cannot move beyond their past traumas. If you’re feeling like this or know someone who is, then don’t hesitate to reach out for help. It can be empowering and freeing to reach out for help and begin to address your demons. So take your first step in the healing process and schedule your first session.

These are just a few strategies, tips, and recommendations! I hope you found this post helpful! I’d love to hear from you in the comment section!

Thank you for taking the time to read. Remember sharing is caring, so share if you found this helpful!

Until we connect again,

Jessica

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Jessica Lang

Jessica Lang

Hi I'm Jessica and I am a licensed therapist specializing in treating sexual abuse and other traumas. Whether you are pregnant survivor, a parent of a survivor or an adult survivor of sexual abuse or complex trauma I am here to support you on your healing so you can love yourself, find your empowered voice, and have the relationships you desire.

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