The Chronic Pain Of Trauma
“What is wrong with me? Why can’t I find love? How come I have no friends? Am I deserving of anything good?” These are just some of the questions you might find yourself asking on a regular basis. Since you were a child you remember feeling like something was wrong with you. Bad things always seem to happen to you! It started when you were young and you were being sexual abused by…well you don’t like to think about that. Any way you’ve been asking yourself, for what seems like forever, “what is wrong with me?” As you struggle to make changes and stop the cycle of “bad things happening” you're beginning to wonder if maybe those things you bury inside and never ever talk about, are actually impacting you today. But you feel scared to unleash the pain that is deep inside of you, so you continue to push it down. The more you push it down the more it fights to come up. What you’re pushing down is the pain of your unresolved trauma. The pain and hurt that is trapped in your body, needs to be released, so that you can actually heal and begin to have more joy, trust, and love in your life.
Self-Esteem & Your Worth
Every morning you wake up, gearing yourself up for battle. Every evening as you take a little something to help you sleep, your mind is a blaze reflecting your day and knowing you have to get up and do it all again tomorrow. You feel exhausted every day, no matter how much sleep you get. Other’s don’t seem to have this problem. In fact everyone you know seems to have life figured out, they are happy and successful. So you ask yourself, “what is wrong with me? Will I ever figure out life? Can I be happy? Do I deserve to be happy?” The answer to these questions is yes, you know it and want it. But you struggle with how to attain it. The truth is that by learning how to truly love and accept yourself you will be better able to find happiness,, success and love in your life.
Your "Special" Child's Pain
Your child is not like other children. You and I know that most parents think their children are special, but for your child what you feel moves beyond “special” but also includes a lot of worry. It’s hard when you look at your child or even one of your children in comparison to their peers or siblings, and see how far behind they are. This “special” child of yours is highly emotional, everything seems to set her off, so you walk on eggshells trying to keep her calm or battle every day. Constant yelling matches are a common occurrence in your dynamic and you hate it. You know she hates it as well but the two of you can’t seem to get out of that cycle. The part that is hardest to deal with is at school her teachers report that she is “fine”. She has a couple friends here and there, she’s relatively quiet and does average academically so the school has no concerns. But you do. You see, what others don’t know is that your child was sexually abused when they were younger. It’s hard to even think about your small child, being smaller, and violated, so you never talk about it. You never really saw too much of a behavior change, maybe some weird kissing stuff with family or with her toys, but otherwise she has acted the same. But the more you learn the more you wondering if that early abuse really did impact her and your are thinking about getting her professional help. You want your child to be happy. That worry you have for her, you want to go away as well. You want to enjoy your child more. The truth is that children with trauma don’t process and heal in the same way as adults do and therapy can really help them with this process.
The Teen Years
Everyone told you about the teen years and you thought you were prepared but boy were you wrong. We all experienced the social pressures of adolescence but to actually have a teen who doesn’t talk to you, keeps secrets, argues with you, and struggles with feeling good about themselves, is really hard to deal with. You know your teen is in pain and you want to alleviate it. The problem is she doesn’t talk to you. When you check her phone or social media, which you feel a little guilty about doing, you see some stuff that is concerning but you’re not sure how to bring it up. More important how do you help your teen feel good about herself so she can make better decisions and feel happier. It is possible for your teen to feel good about herself and feel happier in her teen years.